Family
Families are funny entities. Their intimate workings are usually only known to those privy to the inner circle. You never can tell what is going on.
If you visit a friend’s family, they are typically on their best behavior, not giving away the quirks or downright nutty antics which they are all aware of.
The best place to see a display of family solidarity is at weddings, anniversaries and funerals.
Let’s start with weddings, how often do in-laws actually like each other? Not often at a wedding I recently attended the bride’s mother did not speak a word to the groom’s mother. Let me clarify, I was there on the bride's side being a family friend for many, many years. It was only a small affair with the catering undertaken by the bride’s family; it was obvious that this was one of the many points of contention throughout the evening. At one stage as the buffet was being placed on the table the groom's mother started moving the platters into different positions on the table, this was followed by the bride’s mother bustling in and moving them back to their original positions, all done with a smile similar to that of a crocodile. Was this his mum being helpful or spiteful, I would give the benefit of the doubt however, as this thought was passing through my mind the bride’s mother sidled up beside me and spat in my ear, ‘see just another way to interfere and make me look inadequate, thank god I don’t have to see them again after tonight’. I nodded and smiled, thinking what about when you have your grandchildren’s birthdays to attend. On reflection, they will probably have separate parties with each set of grandparents.
Anniversaries another cause for family celebrations full of hidden loathing and jealousy. I attended a 50th anniversary, the surrounds were picture perfect at the water’s edge restaurant on a spectacular autumn day. The air was full of excitement for the couple and their family, all the children were there from various parts of the country and they were seated in various parts of the venue. After the pre dinner mingling dinner was served still the children were separated soon it was time for the speeches, the eldest child welcomed us to this wonderful occasion and went on to speak eloquently about his very special parents, all the while I was observing his siblings shaking their heads and frowning. This was not a surprise to me, at different times during their lives they had not only been estranged from each other but also from their parents. At the conclusion of the eldest’s speech the siblings in turn spoke in glowing terms about their parents and each other. The assembled throng cheered and raised their glasses and showered the couple with good wishes. The siblings were all smokers and had retired to the outdoors to calm their nerves, they had only been there a few minutes when all hell broke loose, and no one knew exactly what had happened, only that the love they had shared during their speeches had quickly disintegrated into an all in brawl. Ahhh, family devotion!
Funerals my particular favorite, more often than not the grief that is being felt brings the family closer even if they are not on speaking terms. Not to make generalisations, but! Families who are close knit usually have one member and maybe grandchildren taking part in the eulogy during the service, those not so close have each sibling or groups of siblings speaking, on their particular relationship with the dearly departed. Though this may be seen as a united front there is often much shaking of heads and looks of disdain from other family members. After the service the mourners move to a room generally called the “lounge or Mourning room”, go figure, to greet the grieving family. Next time you attend a funeral have a look to see where everybody is placed are they all hovered around together accepting condolences maybe with the remaining parent, or are they spread around the room seeking comfort from their supporters.
Then of course there is the love or lack thereof shown towards the recently departed, nothing sums this up like a story I heard some time ago.
The family attended the funeral directors (Bill) to discuss arrangements during these discussions they were asked to convey their thoughts to give the Bill an idea of what the person was like. Bill was swamped with phrases such as an arsehole, bastard and glad he is gone, and other remarks I’m loathe to write here, the family went on to say and this is what we want you to say at the service. After regaining his composure the funeral director moved the conversation along putting it all down to grief; however the family would not be deterred and insisted he write it all down. The meeting closed Bill was still flabbergasted, the day of the funeral arrived, with great trepidation Bill took to the lectern and prefaced the service with a statement about the family’s wishes. As things proceeded it was time for the eulogy which he duly recited in accordance with their wishes, as he did so the crowd erupted in agreement with his words. You never can tell.
I spoke to a lady once whose husband had died whilst on a fishing trip, it was pouring with rain we were standing on the veranda of her property looking out at the paddocks awash with water and flooding onto the road. She looked at me and said “don’t know why he bothered to drown at the beach, causing all sorts of concern to people, could have stayed home and done it here”. What could I say; I jumped into my car drove a suitable distance up the road and howled with laughter.
Families the wonderful patchwork of our society.